Saturday, October 29, 2011

OOTD - Finding The Key

There was once a girl who thought that she was an outcast.
It wasn't that people called her outright that she was an outcast. 
But in her messed up mind she thought that each look, each word, and each day 
were full of hurting words and hurting people.

The sad thing was - she thought it was real. The voices in her head kept hounding her at night -- that she was worthless, she was ugly, she was fat, and she was nobody became like a chain that slowly wrapped and entangled her. Chaining her. Bounding her. She could no longer smile or feel happy. She felt that she was a person with no emotions. That couldn't be quite right! How to survive daily life?

She wore a mask. Each day. Every day. A mask that would hide the pain. A mask that would hide the bitterness. A happy mask, a strict mask, a goody-goody mask, a blank mask.. until finally, she didn't know what she was anymore. She got lost.. buried under those masks. Masks were only temporary solutions.
Illusions on what really was underneath. But masks tend to crack through time..  to then slowly reveal 
the innermost self that she didn't want others to see because she was scared that they will reject the REAL her and it will be all the more painful. That's why she numbed herself in the first place.

The day finally came when the numbness was too much. The cracks were too hard to disguise.
Amidst the hazy mist of pain.. Finally a light shone through.
The light was gentle. The light revealed the TRUTH.
That all her fears and hurts were all unfounded.
A dark cloud that blurred one's sight. 

Hearing the TRUTH heals. Allowing the TRUTH to sink in can sting but in a good way.
Time heals wounds. Scars fade. She soon realized this that  
by facing her unfounded fears one by one and confronting it -- 
It wasn't fearful or as painful as she thought it would be.
The Light helped her see all of this. It was hard to swallow and it took some convincing.
BUT it was life changing. Nothing beats encountering the Light!

The LIGHT dispelled the darkness hovering over her for so long.
It was the KEY that she needed to open and loose the constricting chains that had
tied her up for so long. The LIGHT made her realize that she was loved. 
Most importantly, that SHE WAS WORTH IT.
No matter what shape, size, or weight she currently had.
She was fearfully and wonderfully made!

With that realization, she could walk and stand tall.
 She embraced her self for what she was and realized that it wasn't bad at all! 
She found out the secret! 
The secret that with the LIGHT in her, she was BEAUTIFUL and everything was beautiful. 
And that she can smile and be happy again because she was secure in this LIGHT.

Denim Jacket - Landmark
Brown tank top - Random Bazaar
Denim Jeans - Random Bazaar
Shoes - c/o Manels
Bag - c/o Tomato
Key ring - Anagon Collection
Black ring - gift
Black Bangle - gift
Beige Bangle - SM Accessories

So now she can feel good about herself and smile proudly.
That as God's Masterpiece, she can be happy about who she is and love herself as well. 
Thank you God for showing me the way. 

Psalm 139:14

New International Version (NIV)

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well.

(taken from


Hi Coffeeholics, felt like somewhat sharing what I went through before I started blogging and "loving" myself. 
Sorry for the somewhat "emo" post style of this OOTD. 
I'm currently struggling again with body figure issues and I had to remind myself about this.

I don't normally open up this kind of stuff online but I wanted to be real. Have any of you have felt something like this before? Insecure? Felt like you've been wearing a mask all your life? Or been insecure about certain things? Well, if you feel like sharing -- go ahead! Or better yet, meet up with me sometime and lets talk it over with a cup of coffee. Or maybe you have experienced something similar to this AND has overcome it. I'm sure others would be encouraged by your story. Would love to hear from you guys!  

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